I Discovered America

October 12th is the birthday of Christopher Columbus but we celebrate it on Monday October 8th so we can have a 3 day weekend (those of us who have the day off) As Americans, we can change people’s birthdays on a whim. We did it to Lincoln, Washington and Martin Luther King.

It’s not limited to birthdays. We even changed Darrens on Bewitched. I always wondered why Samantha didn’t just twitch her nose and bring back the old Darren. What happened to the old Darren? They never really explained it. Did Endora whisk him off to the cornfield? And what about Gladys Kravitz, the nosy neighbor? She noticed everything else, but not a different Darren? This could have finally convinced her husband, Abner, that something really was going on next door. These mysteries plagued my childhood. It made me question everything.

When I discovered Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren’t real I had concerns that everything was a lie. Maybe Columbus didn’t discover America. Maybe nobody discovered it. Maybe it was just here the whole time.

At a very young age I became suspicious of everything. Nothing is more annoying than a 6 year old skeptic. Moon landing? yeah right. I think I inherited some of this skepticism from my grandmother. I remember watching TV game shows with her at a very young age and her saying they don’t really get all those prizes.

What if America is a ruse. A shell game. An elaborate Hollywood set up where all the politicians are just actors. Some of them actually were.

Even with all my doubts, I have always been patriotic. Still am today. I hold my hand on my heart during the national anthem. I get emotional watching all those patriotic movies. I watch the debates and try to trust that they are telling us the truth. But it’s difficult. They never gave me a straight answer about Darren Stevens. Until then…

I remain,


Happy Columbus Day !

Daily Theme Song:

Graham Parker – I Discovered America http://youtu.be/lJiG2sK4AGc


About Stevie GB

60 year old stand up comedian from Long Island. My approach to comedy is telling the truth about being married, middle aged and living in the suburbs. I enjoy making people laugh without making them feel uncomfortable. My act is clean and clever. Featured in Newsday and on News12. Winner of the Huntington Arts Council Laff-off, 2006. 3rd place winner of LI Press Best of LI 2011, A regular on The Long Island Comedy Festival for 9 consecutive years. Opened for Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Kevin Pollak, Bobby Collins, Bob Nelson, Uncle Floyd, Kevin Meaney, and many more.
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