Meeting Ozzy

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Last night I had a dream I met Ozzy Osbourne. I am a casual fan of his solo work and a bigger fan of his Black Sabbath years. It reminds me of high school, in a good way.

The dream of meeting Ozzy is in direct correlation with another dream that I have had for a long time. A dream that seems to be coming true, or at least I would like believe that to be so.

I am an accountant and a stand-up comedian. Although I like to say “Accounting is what I do, a comedian is what I am”. I know, it’s a good one…right?

Stand-up started as a hobby and a passion, quickly turned into an obsession, then a nightmare, then back to a hobby, then eventually a part-time job. I always have that dream of quitting the accounting thing and travelling across country, living in my car. You know, the whole Jewel thing. Although I heard she lived in her van for about two weeks. Marketing is a powerful thing. But, the bank who owns my house doesn’t support my dream of becoming a comedian full-time, so it’s a part-time job. But, as part time jobs go, one of the best.

Anyway, back to Ozzy. For the past three years, a friend of mine, also a comedian, has been bugging me to try out for America’s Got Talent. She has an “in”, but I have heard that story before. I declined after seeing what they have done to comedians in the past. It’s bad enough being a fool to your family, but being one in front of millions? a little too scary to me. However, last season, I did notice a difference in the treatment of comedians. Tom Cotter almost won the whole thing.

So, this year, I decided to audition. And I did, this week. It was an adventurous day I will never forget. I had a 4:00pm appointment. I didn’t have to wait in the giant room for 17 hours and wait for my number to be called. I felt special already.

They took me in a little early, around 3:25. A a small room, about the size of a living room in an apartment. Two judges and about 9 other acts. They had us go on an “X”. “State your name, where you are from, and your talent. You get 90 seconds, GO” nothing like a little sweat.

We went one at a time. Singer, rapper, a 7-year-old girl comedian (yep) telling inappropriate jokes for a 7-year-old, another singer, then me, then another rapper, then another comedian (20’s), couple more singers.  I felt good, did my 90 seconds and got some laughs. it was nerve-wracking.

They asked us all to go outside the room and wait. One of the staff girls went in the room, came out about a minute later and said “Stevie GB, one of the singers and the 7 yr old girl comedian, wait here, the rest of you can go and you will hear in two weeks”

I went back in the room and was interviewed. :Are you really an accountant? Are you married?, do you have more material..do another 5 minutes right now” YIKES. I did it and they liked that better than my first time. They said “do you have a couple of hours so you can meet the executive producers today for a second audition”. YES of course I do. He told me to scratch a couple of jokes I did the first time and replace them with some of the others. Now I gotta come up with a new 90 seconds. great. It’s stuff I had done a million times, so not such a big deal. Still nerve-wracking.

So, I waited downstairs for three hours in a room with about 300 people. Had my second audition in a bigger room (about the size of a gymnasium) the three judges laughed at everything I did. Said thank you and said they send the tapes to LA and will hear back in APRIL.

I asked the girl on staff why the other judges said two weeks and these judges said April. She said it’s two weeks if its a NO, April is for the ones they like. So you are in good shape.

So, now I may be meeting Howard Stern, Sharon Osborne, Howie Mandell, Nick Cannon and more. So could my dream of meeting Ozzy be far behind?

What have I have learned from this?

Time and perseverance eventually pay off. This may not end up as far as I dream, but if I let time take its course and don’t quit, it just might.

I am walking on a cloud and suspect I will be until April.

Exciting day…

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About Stevie GB

57 year old stand up comedian from Long Island. My approach to comedy is telling the truth about being married, middle aged and living in the suburbs. I enjoy making people laugh without making them feel uncomfortable. My act is clean and clever. Featured in Newsday and on News12. Winner of the Huntington Arts Council Laff-off, 2006. 3rd place winner of LI Press Best of LI 2011, A regular on The Long Island Comedy Festival for 9 consecutive years. Opened for Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Kevin Pollak, Bobby Collins, Bob Nelson, Uncle Floyd, Kevin Meaney, and many more.
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