Meeting Ozzy


Last night I had a dream I met Ozzy Osbourne. I am a casual fan of his solo work and a bigger fan of his Black Sabbath years. It reminds me of high school, in a good way.

The dream of meeting Ozzy is in direct correlation with another dream that I have had for a long time. A dream that seems to be coming true, or at least I would like believe that to be so.

I am an accountant and a stand-up comedian. Although I like to say “Accounting is what I do, a comedian is what I am”. I know, it’s a good one…right?

Stand-up started as a hobby and a passion, quickly turned into an obsession, then a nightmare, then back to a hobby, then eventually a part-time job. I always have that dream of quitting the accounting thing and travelling across country, living in my car. You know, the whole Jewel thing. Although I heard she lived in her van for about two weeks. Marketing is a powerful thing. But, the bank who owns my house doesn’t support my dream of becoming a comedian full-time, so it’s a part-time job. But, as part time jobs go, one of the best.

Anyway, back to Ozzy. For the past three years, a friend of mine, also a comedian, has been bugging me to try out for America’s Got Talent. She has an “in”, but I have heard that story before. I declined after seeing what they have done to comedians in the past. It’s bad enough being a fool to your family, but being one in front of millions? a little too scary to me. However, last season, I did notice a difference in the treatment of comedians. Tom Cotter almost won the whole thing.

So, this year, I decided to audition. And I did, this week. It was an adventurous day I will never forget. I had a 4:00pm appointment. I didn’t have to wait in the giant room for 17 hours and wait for my number to be called. I felt special already.

They took me in a little early, around 3:25. A a small room, about the size of a living room in an apartment. Two judges and about 9 other acts. They had us go on an “X”. “State your name, where you are from, and your talent. You get 90 seconds, GO” nothing like a little sweat.

We went one at a time. Singer, rapper, a 7-year-old girl comedian (yep) telling inappropriate jokes for a 7-year-old, another singer, then me, then another rapper, then another comedian (20’s), couple more singers.  I felt good, did my 90 seconds and got some laughs. it was nerve-wracking.

They asked us all to go outside the room and wait. One of the staff girls went in the room, came out about a minute later and said “Stevie GB, one of the singers and the 7 yr old girl comedian, wait here, the rest of you can go and you will hear in two weeks”

I went back in the room and was interviewed. :Are you really an accountant? Are you married?, do you have more another 5 minutes right now” YIKES. I did it and they liked that better than my first time. They said “do you have a couple of hours so you can meet the executive producers today for a second audition”. YES of course I do. He told me to scratch a couple of jokes I did the first time and replace them with some of the others. Now I gotta come up with a new 90 seconds. great. It’s stuff I had done a million times, so not such a big deal. Still nerve-wracking.

So, I waited downstairs for three hours in a room with about 300 people. Had my second audition in a bigger room (about the size of a gymnasium) the three judges laughed at everything I did. Said thank you and said they send the tapes to LA and will hear back in APRIL.

I asked the girl on staff why the other judges said two weeks and these judges said April. She said it’s two weeks if its a NO, April is for the ones they like. So you are in good shape.

So, now I may be meeting Howard Stern, Sharon Osborne, Howie Mandell, Nick Cannon and more. So could my dream of meeting Ozzy be far behind?

What have I have learned from this?

Time and perseverance eventually pay off. This may not end up as far as I dream, but if I let time take its course and don’t quit, it just might.

I am walking on a cloud and suspect I will be until April.

Exciting day…


About Stevie GB

60 year old stand up comedian from Long Island. My approach to comedy is telling the truth about being married, middle aged and living in the suburbs. I enjoy making people laugh without making them feel uncomfortable. My act is clean and clever. Featured in Newsday and on News12. Winner of the Huntington Arts Council Laff-off, 2006. 3rd place winner of LI Press Best of LI 2011, A regular on The Long Island Comedy Festival for 9 consecutive years. Opened for Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Kevin Pollak, Bobby Collins, Bob Nelson, Uncle Floyd, Kevin Meaney, and many more.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s