Gutter Bawl

gutter tree

The winter has ended for at least a week here in the Northeast. It’s that tricky time of year when old man winter likes to screw with us and return for an hour or two. With spring in the air, it’s the time when my wife reminds me to take inventory of the damage to the house.Not that I can fix anything, since my ineptness overshadows my desire to get things done.

So, I go outside and what do I see, up in the gutter? A tree. Growing out of the gutter. How did this happen? Did someone plant the tree up there? Where did the seeds come from to create this monstrosity?

I get the biggest ladder I own out of the garage, nearly hitting the car on the way and struggling to maintain my balance. With the ladder in place, I ascend up to the gutter, only to find I cannot reach it easily. I have to stretch to get this tree out. My goal is to get it by the root, or it will just sprout again causing further angst. I reach and I pull.

I got the tree out by the root, because I’m a man, along with a clump of dirt, which found it’s way directly into my open mouth. I always have my mouth wide open when I am working outside, because I’m a stupid man.

Now I have mouth full of dirt and nearly fall off the ladder while spitting to get this filth off my tongue.

I cried a little bit. Hence, the title of this entry. Gutter Bawl…










About Stevie GB

60 year old stand up comedian from Long Island. My approach to comedy is telling the truth about being married, middle aged and living in the suburbs. I enjoy making people laugh without making them feel uncomfortable. My act is clean and clever. Featured in Newsday and on News12. Winner of the Huntington Arts Council Laff-off, 2006. 3rd place winner of LI Press Best of LI 2011, A regular on The Long Island Comedy Festival for 9 consecutive years. Opened for Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Kevin Pollak, Bobby Collins, Bob Nelson, Uncle Floyd, Kevin Meaney, and many more.
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